he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize