I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
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No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
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I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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