I think I won the penis lottery.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
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Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
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