we have officially lost it.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
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An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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