If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Randomize