Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
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