Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize