Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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