Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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