Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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