...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
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Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
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The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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