i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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