I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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