I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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