So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize