Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still have a little drunk in my system
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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