I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
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