I love black thongs
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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