You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
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I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
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I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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