So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
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she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
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