I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
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just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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