so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
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Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
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I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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