Having a random hookup so left but love u
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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