The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
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I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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