I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
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