just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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