How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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