please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He? As in you personified your dick?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize