I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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