I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
home. puking in laundry basket.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This baby is an asshole
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
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