Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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