As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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