Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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