Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
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He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
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