I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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