First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
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