Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
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Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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