Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize