when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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