I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
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The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
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I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
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