one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
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Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
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he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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