I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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