...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
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btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
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Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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