It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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