There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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