I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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