...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
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Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
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so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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