after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
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I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
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I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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