Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize