Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
someone owes me an orgasm
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize